I was 20 when I married my wife. In fact, so was she. Our wedding was in May(2002). In September of that year, my dad was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer. Now, among the cancers, the mutation of cells in the Pancreas is among the worst. It is generally not easily detectable until it has made its way into other organ systems and it is usually pretty painful. I don't think they found Dad's until it got into his liver. He died on July 5. 10 months from diagnosis to death. I was 21, I had a new wife and I was staring down a tough senior year at Harding. Until that point, I had not dealt with death. I understood the concept but I had never wrestled with grief (and anyone who has been there can tell you that it is a wrestling match). The thought of it still catches me off guard on occasion. A tough decision will present itself and my first thought will be to call dad and run it by him. That is an empty feeling. I look to the future and think about the way my future children will interact with their grandparents. More emptiness. Father's Day will be here in a few weeks. I'm now at least able to brace myself and praise the memory of dad and graciously accept the legacy he left; but it ain't easy.
Outside of trust in a faithful God, this "misfortune" would have crushed me at worst and at the very least, made me a bitter spiteful person. But, within the framework of a God who works everything for my good, I can see his handywork in the premature death of my father.
Jonah ran from God. He did in his life, what I have done in mine. He proclaimed to serve God but never really faced up to the challenges of living an obedient life. Jonah tried it his own way and he ended up with lungs full of salt water and no promise of a future. He was as good as dead. Chapter 1:15-17.
15 They took Jonah and threw him overboard. Immediately the sea was quieted down.
16 The sailors were impressed, no longer terrified by the sea, but in awe of God. They worshiped God, offered a sacrifice, and made vows.
17 Then God assigned a huge fish to swallow Jonah
As kids we were taught that Jonah was swallowed by a ginormous fish as punishment because he ran away from what God wanted him to do. But, if we stop there, we sell God short and miss a huge fishy object lesson. Sometimes God sends big destructive forces our way in order to save our lives and protect our souls. The simple truth is that Jonah would have drowned unless God assigned a savior. Jonah recognized this truth. Chapter 2
5 The engulfing waters threatened me, [b] the deep surrounded me; seaweed was wrapped around my head.
6 To the roots of the mountains I sank down; the earth beneath barred me in forever. But you brought my life up from the pit, O LORD my God.
The truth in my life is that the horrible act of watching the way my father died has saved my soul from the pit. Jesus is real to me now that I know the sting of death and whatever pain I have felt is significantly outweighed by the comfort of knowing that God is willing to chase me down in order to bring me back into relationship with him.
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Sorry it's taken me so long to comment on this post, but I wasn't quite sure what I wanted to say. I'm still not sure I am. Thanks for sharing with us a little about your dad. I think I knew he had passed away, but I'm not really sure how I knew that; I know you had never told me that.
I've dealt with death all during my growing up years; for all of them I was old enough to understand what happened. In between the ages of 10 and 19 I lost 3 of my 4 grandparents (and the 4th was gone before I was born.)
But until a few months ago, I'd never had to deal with one that I couldn't make sense of. First of all, they were all grandparents, they were old, so it was a little more expected. One grandma had a stroke, and was never the same physically or mentally, so by the time she died, she had already been "gone" for years. My grandpa died of a heart attack--but he had smoked like a chimney. And my grandma died of lung cancer--but she lived w/the grandpa...who smoked like a chimney. None of them were easy, but they were at least something that I could make sense out of.
But a 12-year-old that is literally perfect one second and gone the next??? I'm not sure I'll ever wrap my brain around that one.
I appreciate your perspective about God using "destructive forces" to save us. I told one of my friends that, if nothing else, her death has given my spiritual life a renewed sense of realness, that hit me shortly after Christmas time, when all of our family was together except for her; it gave me something...not sure what the right word for it is...I would say "tangible" but that's not quite accurate. Kind of a reminder that it's really real. All that I believe in and hope for is as real as the fact that she was not there.
So I am now reminded of that on a daily basis. And that's at least one good thing, right? (Rom. 8:28)
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